A few words from Gary:

Since most caregivers wrestle every day with the problems associated with health insurance and how to meet medical needs, we asked our Caregiver Companion (humor) authorities to provide these important answers to the many questions we have received from you.  We hope you find them of value (to your funny bone).  

Please SUBMIT your favorite humorous piece.

10/25/00

(Author: anonymous to avoid being sued by insurance companies)  

Q.  What does HMO stand for?

A.  This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!"  It's roots go back to a concept pioneered by Dr. Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.  Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the results are just as effective.  

Q.  Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A.  No.  Only those that you need.

Q.  I just joined a new HMO.  How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A.  Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents.  Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the book was printed. 

These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan.  But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away!

Autumn Olive: This pretty plant is like insurance forms.  It was suggested as ideal cover for wildlife.  The robins have eaten these berries and it comes up where ever they leave their droppings, overwhelming our land.

Q.  I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap.  My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I had already paid my bill.  What should I do?

A.  You have two choices.  Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about like windmill farms or frog hatcheries.  

Q.  What should I do if I find myself getting sick while traveling?

A.  Ask the stewardess if she can move you to a window seat.

Q.  No, I mean what if I am away from home and I get sick?

A.  You really shouldn't do that.  You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician.  It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick. 

Q.  I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem.  Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?

A.  It's hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.  

Q.  What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?

A.  Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.

Q.  Will health care be any different in the next 10 years?

A.  No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.  

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Other LAUGH articles at:

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Love and Marriage ("Art Linkletter style" candid remarks from 8 - 10 year olds) 2/9/01 (2 min.)

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