This phase lasted nearly a year for us.  Finally I decided that we couldn't continue this way. Ironically, George was feeling the same way.  We talked about how we could lie down and wait for death to take him, or we could live life as fully as possible.  We chose to live.  I say "we" because it takes two to make this decision.

One of the first things we did was to get a new puppy.  The animal shelter had just gotten a new litter of pups that morning.  We got first pick and she was a real beauty.  We carefully wrapped her in a blanket and took her home.

George would sit on the couch and paint at his easel.  She would come and sit quietly at his feet until he noticed her.  He would pick her up and put her in his lap, and she would fall asleep as he painted.  Needless to say, she won his heart.  By the way, her name could be nothing else other than Precious.

We do not know what tomorrow holds but we can live this minute right now to the best of our ability.  Worrying about our future will not change it.   Instead it will make us too weary to face it.  

So we try to find humor in everything, feel the love between us, and view each sunrise and sunset with renewed awe.  We make sure we talk to each other and to God.  We feel like we have to cram a lot of living into a short period of time.   

Even with this attitude, our lives are still far from perfect.  We still get irritable with each other. We realize this is not productive, and we try to make the most of our time.

I try my best to see things through George's eyes.  Then I have a better comprehension of what he is feeling, and I can be a better caregiver to him.  

For example, one day while I was at work, I called to check on him.  He was very upset.   Our big outside dog had gotten into the house, and George wasn't able to get him back out.

I realized that he probably wasn't upset about the dog getting in the house.  He was upset about his inability to get the dog out.  So when I got home I reassured him that everything would be alright.  

I try to remember to ask him what is bothering him.  We can then assess the situation together, and I can usually relieve his fears.  I find that as a caregiver, I am also the great "reassurer".  My job is to remove as much worry as I can. 

Patience is another virtue I practice.  I allow George the time he needs to say what is on his mind rather than jumping in and finishing his sentences.  I find this helps his self-esteem.  It is my goal to make him feel as if he is the most important person in this world and that it is my pleasure to be his caregiver. 

I also find the Golden Rule to be important.  I think about what he is going through and what I would want if I were in his position.  This helps me to dig a little deeper for that love and compassion that is so valuable to him (and for me to experience giving). 

By practicing these rules, we are enjoying life to the fullest and doing more than we ever imagined possible that first year of his illness.  We know our limitations and we work within them.  We are amazed by our results.

Another important piece has been our education about our disease.  Support groups have helped us to learn from others who have already been there, and they have also given us morale support.  

In our group, we never forget to have fun.  Everyone loves to see George show up because they know he will make them laugh. By the way laughter is some of our best medicine.  We make sure to get at least one good dose a day. 

Also, I used to save those good candles for special occasions.  Now everyday is special, and we make sure to light candles in the living room and on the patio.  We also make sure to have dessert on the patio, or sometimes we just sit on the front porch and wave at the neighbors as they come home from work.  They all look, wave and smile.  

It doesn't take much for us to make each day special.  We just have to keep our creative juices going.  Then George smiles more, and that pleases me in my role as a caregiver. 

 Take care!

Karen  
(email Karen at:  grtmom1998@yahoo.com)