A word from Gary: 

The Fortis report indicates that 25% of their responding caregivers have children.  Another 19% of respondents are parents caregiving to a child.  Of that group, 17% are divorced.  

The act of raising children is difficult enough without having to provide care for another family member.  Add to that, many caregivers are undertaking these roles without the help of a spouse.  

Please SUBMIT your ideas and suggestions for making the combination of caregiving and parenting an important and valuable experience for all.   

We thought this excerpt from A POSITIVE APPROACH TO PARENTING, a book that we wrote might be helpful to parents, reducing some of the stress and making the experience of parenting more meaningful for all.

The idea for writing this book evolved during the counseling practice we ran for 25 years.  Often, in our attempts to improve the relationships between  parents and their children, we found ourselves repeating many of the same concepts. 

We therefore decided to write these ideas down in a book.  It is written on a 5th grade reading level complete with imaginative illustrations that even kids enjoy.  These concepts  work well with kids from preschool to teenagers.  The ideas may also have application for caregiver/recipient relationships.    

The following is an excerpt from the "Limits and Consequences" section.   

RULES FOR LIMITS AND CONSEQUENCES

DON'T. . . use consequences all the time,
DO. . . . . . find ways to substitute POSITIVES and use consequences only on rare occasions.

DON'T . . . threaten and then forget to follow through,
DO . . . . . . pick a consequence you're willing to use and be prepared to FOLLOW THROUGH.

DON'T . . . be a reaction person, waiting until AFTER the act to set consequences,
DO . . . . . . be an ACTION PERSON, preparing for the future by determining consequences BEFORE the problem occurs.  Have your kids sit down with you to help decide the consequences.

DON'T . . . give vague or unclear statements of what punishments will be,
DO. . . . . . use WHAT, WHEN, WHY, WHERE, etc. to make sure that everyone knows exactly what is expected and what will happen.

DON'T . . . give consequences that are unrelated to the crime.
DO . . . . . . set up punishments that are connected to the crime and activities which will FIX or repair the DAMAGE.

DON'T . . . give consequences that make a person inactive.  His thoughts will be full of negativity,
DO . . . . . . give a consequence that has an ACTIVITY CONNECTED to it.

DON'T . . . give long term consequences that are generated by your angry feelings,
DO . . . . . . give consequences that are SMALL and short in DURATION, then you will be comfortable enforcing them.

DON'T . . . use consequences to prove how powerful you are,
DO . . . . . . give the person CHOICES.  If an inappropriate behavior is involved, and he is unwilling to do as you have suggested, give him the alternative of leaving the area.  He can return when he is willing to do what you have requested.

DON'T . . . use consequences unless you absolutely must,
DO . . . . . . find ways to use positives to solve your problem.  HUGS, KISSES and POSITIVE VERBAL REINFORCEMENT for the behaviors you desire may be all that's necessary.  

"A Positive Approach to Parenting" can be ordered from us for $16.04 (MI residents add 6% sales tax for total of $17.00) per copy.  Call us toll free at 888-227-8679 or snail mail a check made out to CGC to: 

CGC
Box 272
Lakeview, MI 48850

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SUBMIT your ideas for positive parenting and facilitating the role of your children as caregivers.  

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