A
Few Words from Anne and Gary
Who
Are You?
K. George Thomas from
India, writes to us about his parents and their search for
medical help "after hours" on a dark night.
From
Another Perspective:
Some words of advice about the Trojan horse of bitterness that
finds its way into our lives from time to time.
A
Lighter Aire:
Here in Michigan, the
loosing ways of our Detroit Lions football team have caused
them to be the brunt of many jokes. Find out
why.
Stirring
the Spirit Within:
Joyce Hutchison has teamed up with Joyce
Rupp to create this wonderful book. May I Walk You
Home has many meaningful messages for helping our loved
ones achieve a meaningful experience as they transition
through this final stage of life.
December 29, 2001
Dear Friends:
As you move into this
year of 2002, we wish you to know that our feelings and our thoughts
will continue to be with you. We trust that the coming days and
months will provide you and your loved ones with meaningful new insights
and valuable resolutions for your difficult times.
We apologize for the temporary
absence of this Caregiver Magazine. We have been occupied
by a very heavy Collecting Consort performance schedule. We have
also been developing our Live Music for Healing and Transition
Ministry within our own community.
We are therefore, very pleased
with this opportunity to share with you again. We trust this
issue will provide what you have come to expect from The
Caregiver Companion . . . . respite opportunities, meaningful information and special nurturing
articles.
Our resolution for this New
Year is to continue sharing our companionship and support with you. We pledge to creatively and artistically provide you with
knowledge, ideas, and inspiration to enhance your experience as a
caregiver during the year of 2002.
Happy
New Year!
Anne & Gary
Back a
century and a half ago in 1859, you might have celebrated the New Year by sharing a card like this one with your family
and friends.
We recently received the
following story from K. George Thomas in Bangalore,
India. George's father served
as a missionary for 45 years in Palani, India. During that time, he
suffered with a chronic urethral condition. This disability required
many surgeries and a painful monthly dilation of the urethral passage.
After one of these
procedures, his father was discharged from the hospital and returned home (about
30 km from the hospital). That very same night around 10PM, he developed another urethral block and found himself in extreme pain
necessitating his return to the hospital. There was no transportation
available.
The following is K. George
Thomas' description of God providing His caring assistance to George's
mother and father as they passed through this difficult and critical
night.
My anxious mother watched Dad in pain
and knew that something should be done immediately. He should be
shifted to the hospital.
Dad said apologetically, "I will
manage to walk to the bus stop, and let us try to stop any vehicle
passing by". He was really sad for giving Mom the
trouble.
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Anticipating another
hospitalization, she immediately packed her bag with a few essential
clothes, and managed to help dad walk about a kilometer to reach the bus
stop.
"Help please!",
she yelled at the passing vehicles for a lift. A few rushed past
them. In a few moments, her prayers were answered as a Good Samaritan
stopped and offered them a lift in his car.
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"Sir, please drop us at the
hospital.", pleaded Mom to the stranger who was more than willing
to oblige.
They reached the hospital at around
midnight. Ironically, there was a power failure that night, and
the entire campus was in total darkness. There was no one at the
reception, and no telephone facility either.
Mom was frantic about
getting someone to attend to Dad, but she was too scared to leave Dad alone to go in search of help.
The darkness added to her
woes. She couldn't trace her way to the nurses' room and the
doctor's residence was a bit too far.
Finally she said to Dad,
"Will you please wait here, and I will try and get help in a
moment." Saying a silent prayer, and gaining an unusual
courage, she trotted towards the main block. She had to be careful
about her steps, avoiding gutters, stones and other hurdles. As she
was nearing the administrative block, there was a huge bang from the main
road in front of the hospital. A truck came to a screeching
halt. She was shaken for a moment, but couldn't see anything
clearly.
The noise was such that the
male nurse who lived beyond the campus woke up from sleep and rushed to
the hospital. He felt that the blast from the hospital, most probably
an oxygen cylinder stored near the operation theatre might have burst.
He was horrified at the very thought of such a mishap.
On reaching the operation
theatre premises, he breathed a sigh of relief to see everything was intact. He was inquisitive about the big bang he had
heard and wanted to investigate the source.
As he was stepping out to inquire what had happened, he met Mom coming from the ward side. She
was desperate and almost in tears.
"What has brought you
here, Madam, at this odd time?"
"Yes, I have the same
question to ask you Sir.", said Mom, now with a great sigh of relief.
On hearing of Dad's plight,
he rushed to the ward and made immediate arrangements to drain the urine,
using the catheter.
"Thank you so
much!", said Mom and Dad in unison to the helpful man who had also
assisted Dad on many occasions in the past.
They later found that the
big bang was due to a tyre burst from the passing truck. For Dad and
Mom, it was God's way of sending medical assistance at the critical time
in a very unusual manner.
If ravens brought bread and
meat to His servant in the past, the big bang from the truck tyre burst
brought medical assistance at the needy, odd hour of the night in a
miraculous manner.
Great and marvelous are
Thy works. (Psalm 139:14)
Our special thanks to you,
Mr. George, for sharing your parents' inspirational experience with your
fellow caregivers.
You can email K.
George Thomas at: deltatomt@netscape.net
Do you have a story to
share? Email us at: share@caregivercompanion.com
We will provide you with
your choice of Collecting Consort recordings as our thank you for your
efforts.
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After a warm
and bleak early winter without any snow, Mother Nature finally
provided this beautiful enhancement for our barn as our Christmas
present. |
The following piece of advice came via
my email this morning. It had important value for me as I continue
to work with my "letting go" of the many wrongs done to me in
my past.
| The Trojan
Horse of Bitterness |
"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger,
clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice."
(Ephesians 4:31)
A Trojan Horse sits just outside the
gate of your heart. Its mane is bitterness. It is a monument
to every attack you have endured from your fellow human beings.
It is a gift left by the people who have
wronged you. It is a monument to the pain, the sorrow, and the
devastation they have caused you. It represents the debt they will
owe you until the day they are brought to justice. It is rightfully
yours.
But to accept the gift is to invite ruin into your life. You see,
there is more to the horse than meets the eye. The feeling of
justification it brings is the deceptive artistry of a master craftsman.
Though decorated with the promise of vindication, it is only a lure.
The celebration is short-lived.
Once inside the walls of your
heart, it releases its agents of destruction. Its plot quietly unfolds
from the inside out. To become a person of character, you must learn
to recognize the Trojan Horse of bitterness. And more important, you
must NEVER bring it inside.
-- Andy Stanley in "Like a Rock"
This message came from Rev. Dave
Wilkinson. You can receive his meaningful daily "Sound
Bites" (messages like this) via your email by subscribing at: soundbites@firstumcgb.org.
Write "subscribe" and say The
Caregiver Companion sent you.
Further information about Dave and his
ministry can be found in our Nurturing
Area.
Anne will tell you that my
German heritage keeps me from uttering vocal responses to humorous
offerings. As a matter of fact, you may have to look hard to even
see a smile through my beard.
However, this piece moved
me to actually laugh out loud. I hope it does the same for you.
It was submitted by Jenn Hetzman, caregiver and single parent of three
grade school children.
For those of you who don't
follow the NFL, our Detroit Lions have experienced one of their
"worst ever" seasons.
|
Press Release:
Pontiac Michigan |
The Detroit Lions' early
morning football practice at the Pontiac Silverdome was delayed for nearly
two hours on Friday. One of the players, while approaching the
field, happened to look down to notice a suspicious looking, unknown white
powdery substance.
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| Lions' head coach, Monty
Mornhinweg |
| Head coach Marty Mornhinweg immediately suspended
practice and the Michigan State Police and FBI were called in to
investigate.
After a complete field
analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance (unknown to the
players) was the goal line.
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Practice was resumed when FBI Special
Agents decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the
substance again.
Do you have a funny story or joke you would like
to share with your fellow caregivers? Email us at share@caregivercompanion.com,
and receive your choice of a Collecting Consort recording.
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This
little volume needs to take its place at the bedside table of all
caregivers. Its words and message are extremely valuable.
Imagine being in your late
twenties with three children and finding out that your husband has
cancer with only six months to live. Then imagine him living
for another 24 years with you assisting him in and out of
treatment.
Also, imagine that you
continue your work as an oncology nurse during all those years.
After all of that, you make
the statement:
"Burnout is not in my vocabulary. Being at the bedside
of the dying patient is a life-giving experience for me."
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This very special person is Joyce Hutchison, author of May I Walk
You Home.
Joyce reminds us that,
"Caregivers are the greatest of task-masters, busily doing all they
can to help". She recalls times in her past, being caught up in
the continual professional tasks of IV's, catheters, blood transfusions,
etc., realizing "I hadn't looked into the eyes of a single person all
day".
This realization caused her
to think about herself in those lonely hospital rooms after her husband was first diagnosed with cancer. "I
just yearned for somebody to touch me", was her needy plea.
Reflecting on her past
experiences and awarenesses, she
sees her work as, "a continual learning process, trying to be open,
trusting the moment, and being with others in a kind and caring way".
Contained in the pages
of May I Walk You Home, are 25 of Joyce Hutchison's short narrative
vignettes re-telling her "walks" with her patients.
Through these, each of us can learn more about the process and value of
being open, and trusting the moment.
"I believe when we
are dying is the only time in our lives when we are bare bones real
people. . . . Being with the dying is one of the intimate
experiences on this earth. . . . It is the most spiritual of
experiences."
Her invitation to us is:
"I hope these stories will alleviate the fears of those of you who
are at the bedside of the dying. . . . You can hardly go wrong if you just
listen as intently as you can, be as present as possible, and above all
remember that your own agenda needs to be left outside the patient's
room."
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Facilitating the
final pieces |
The proof of Joyce's advice
is more than adequately displayed in these stories. She documents
what her patients say to her about their experiences of approaching death,
their secrets and failures from their pasts, their futures, and their
concerns for their family.
She talks about taking them
to see their friends for the last time, helping them with putting their
affairs in order, their wishes for their loved ones, and assisting their
spiritual transition. She also provides some touching messages about
meeting our own needs as caregivers.
But wait! There is
more. Each story is followed by a meditation and prayer written by
master poet and caregiver's guide, Joyce Rupp.
Joyce Rupp concludes one of
Joyce Hutchinson's three page stories with this wonderfully healing
closing. Try it on and see how well it fits, and don't be hesitant
about this "God" thing. It eventually emerges with the
caregiving job. It will happen sooner or later. Why not
encourage this passage with these little God oriented pieces to bless this
day?
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Imagine God
holding out a basket to you.
Place your
questions, doubts, and concerns in the basket.
Let God take care
of the basket for you.
Joy-filled
Presence,
there are many days
when the last thing I want to do
is smile or have a good laugh.
This caring for a dying one is tough.
It takes its toll on the human spirit.
Help me to find
moments
in the day
when I can smile.
Help my loved one
and me
to laugh together,
to find the little joys of life
that sustain and uplift us.
Remind us often
that you are with us.
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This summer, when the Collecting Consort (our musical
ensemble) was touring Michigan's UP, we happened upon a
field filled with thousands of these butterflies warmed by
the late afternoon sun and sipping nourishment from their
hosts, the milkweed plants
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I will let my eyes smile
even if my face can't. I will listen closely to see if there are a
few things we can enjoy together even if it is a difficult day.
I'll try not to feel guilty if I laugh with visitors. And I'll
remember that you are with each of us, God.
You will find more of these
beautiful spiritual blessings by Joyce Rupp at the conclusion
of each touching caregiving story by Joyce
Hutchison.
Joyce Rupp concludes the
book with the following heart warming support for us.
"Do not give up.
Hold hope in your heart. Give of your time, energy, and love to
those who are on their way home. As you walk with them, keep
holding a strong piece of hope deep within your heart. You are
walking through the valley to the other side. You can find joy
again. You can be at peace."
Thank you,
Joyce Hutchison and Joyce Rupp, professional caregivers, for
sharing your meaningful and inspirational creation, May
I Walk You Home.
Our thanks for permission
to review this book go to Ave Maria Press. They have many more
wonderful titles of value to the caregiver (including others by Joyce
Rupp) and a Celtic harp, hammered dulcimer, and flute recording by us (the
Collecting Consort) entitled Our Spiritual Heritage.
View their catalog and order
on line at: http://avemariapress.com
Toll free: 800-282-1865
Ave Maria Press
P.O. Box 428
Notre Dame, IN 46556-0248
Do you have a
meaningful book you would like to share with our
caregivers? You can review it for us or suggest that we
review it and receive a free Collecting Consort recording as
our gift to you. Email us at: share@caregivercompanion.com.
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Suggested
Reading
here
at www.caregivercompanion.com
|
If this is your first time
visiting The Caregiver Companion web site, please take time to look
around. There is much more here than just our magazine. Visit our
NAVIGATION page to learn how our site is laid
out.
If you enjoyed
K. George Thomas' piece about his parents, we have other
stories submitted by caregivers. Click
here.
For more of
Rev. Dave Wilkinson's sound bites and information about his
family, Click here.
If you enjoyed our review
of May I Walk You Home, visit our review of Prayers for
Caregivers by Patti Normile, Click
here.
If our "press
release" from the Detroit Lions was not a sufficient amount of
laughter stimulation, check out Kids Say the Darnest Things, Click
here.
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Our
Gift to You for Your Support
|
Your continued purchase of
Collecting Consort recordings will help finance The Caregiver Companion
web site.
If you have not experienced our
recordings, they contain gentle selections described as "healing
music for our difficult times". They feature, Celtic harp,
hammered dulcimer, pan flute, and Irish flutes and
whistles.
We guarantee your satisfaction with
the purchase of any of our recordings. They can be the perfect
way to ease your loved one's anxieties and pain, and provide you with some
peaceful respite.
If you would like to learn more
about Collecting Consort recordings, Click
here
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