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The Caregiver Companion
Magazine #11 (2/14/02)

Underwritten by ______
(Would you like to have your company, organization or your name listed here?)

 

February 14, 2002

Happy Valentine's Day

 

Table of Contents: 
(Click on title below to go directly to that article 
or scroll below this Table of Contents to read all of this issue's articles)

A Few Words from Gary 

From Another Perspective  
A meaningful poem by the 13th century mystic, Rumi.

Stirring the Spirit Within
"The Sacred Art of Dying".  Our review of this cassette recording.  It features an inspirational and informative speech given by hospice chaplain, Richard Groves.

Caregiver Mentors
Insightful and historical information about St. Valentine.

A Lighter Aire
A humorous photo of gas prices.

Gary's Spirit Within
Life's message from the perspective of a rafting expedition 

Suggested Reading here at www.caregivercompanion.com 

 


 

 

Dear Friends:

We continue to be amazed by the wonderful quality of this winter.  We have enough snow to quietly hide the brown "leftovers" of last year, but I have only put on my boots and started the old Ford 8N tractor twice to open our passageway in and out of our homestead.

No ice storms and no below zero temperatures to impede our process (so far).   We know about the predictions for "global warming", but from the perspective of this winter, this unexpected warmth has been a wonderful gift.  

Next month finds us traveling (as the Collecting Consort) to Midland, MI for a three week "artist in residence" program serving the Midland area schools.  This is a community that truly supports the arts.  We consider this responsibility a great  honor and a wonderful opportunity as we will be working with over 9000 students, and 100 teachers in 30 schools.  Our program is entitled "Michigan's Heritage" and will feature music and stories from Michigan's past and present years.  We trust we will learn and receive as much as we will give our students.

Due to this commitment, the next issue of this magazine will be delayed.  If you have contributions, please email them to share@caregivercompanion.com and we will explore putting them in the next issue.  

May your blessings enlighten your continued sharing with others,

Gary 

  

Out beyond ideas of
wrong-doing and right-doing
There is a field

I'll meet you there......

You've heard it said there's a window that opens
from one mind to another.

But if there's no wall, there's no need
for fitting the window, or the latch.


Rumi,
13th Century Mystic

(For more Rumi poetry and our biography of this mystic, click here)

Nature's "opening" from our Collecting Consort 
Lake Superior tour last summer

 


 

 

The Sacred Art of Dying

(Living with Hope)

By Richard Groves

 

Changing Perspectives
About Death

I  have listened to this 2 - cassette  tape several times, and with each listening, I "hear" a little more.  I suspect Richard Groves may be slowly chipping away at the ice coated denial that covers my perspectives of death. 

Richard is an experienced hospice chaplain and founder of the Sacred Art of Living Center in Bend, OR.  

 

In order to unravel the mysteries associated with dying, he went to the Abbey of Cluny in France where monks assisted the dying, one thousand years ago.  He examined their records and found considerable enlightenment.  

 "Life" in 
the Abby
 

The hospice at the Abbey of Cluny was a place of life.  The patients were in the process of dying, but daily life was going on around them.  Families were meeting, sharing and eating their meals within the hospice, and the children were playing games, singing and dancing.  The dying patients were a part of this everyday "life".  

Spirituality was also a very major component, and the monks were skilled at providing physical and emotional comfort.  Today, in contrast, we focus on the medical care of the dying, and leave the spiritual and emotional pieces by the side.  

Richard Groves feels this lack of spiritual and emotional care is a rather recent trend in our country.  A century ago, 85% of our population died within our homes They were surrounded by family focused on a comfortable end of life transition.  By the 1960's, the figures were reversed and 85% were dying in some sort of medical or care facility where the emphasis was on a technical medical extension of life.  

A New Trend

Richard feels this trend is once again reversing, and we are again desiring a more complete "nearing death" experience within our own homes.  However, he feels even more can be done to enhance the quality of this final journey for us and our loved one.  

As a result of his work and his research, Richard has concluded that the only way to die a "good" death is to make sure that our emotional pieces have been completed.  He often finds that patients experience difficult physical pain or an inability to let go into transition when they are blocking un-resolved emotional issues.  The issue might be an emotional distancing from a sibling or a child.  Or it may be failing to share some important words with a mate.    

The 
Good Death

Dormant now, these beautiful examples of new life will soon be touching us as the warmth and length of our day increases.

He recommends that we do whatever is necessary as caregivers to remove blocks to a "good" death and to help loved ones live each day as joyfully and peacefully as possible.  He encourages and facilitates our efforts by sighting several revealing and wonderful stories about how he has assisted his patients.   

Richard also suggests that we utilize rituals, music and a support team as the Cluny monks did.  These valuable resources often moved the patients beyond their fears and discomforts.  

He also sites scientific research on the proven value of prayer.  He highly advocates prayer as a method of spiritual intervention, especially when the loved one is in a high state of denial or a coma and we cannot assist them by interacting with them verbally.  

Meaningful Assistance

Richard tells us that, "Life and death are a sacred art taught best by the dying".  They can teach us much about life and living it.  We must learn to live our loved one's death experience, not deny it.  

Whether you are a caregiver, a person in the process of dying, or a professional assisting others with the nearing death experience, I highly recommend listening to this recording more than once.  I was amazed by how much I moved with interest toward my own future death.  I wonder what the dying will teach me next?

Published by St. Anthony Messenger Press www.AmericanCatholic.org.  Check out their catalog, and you will find all sorts of other books and recordings of interest to us caregivers.   

2 cassettes ( 51 min each):  $16.95

Order this tape on line at: www.AmericanCatholic.org 

Phone: 800-488-0488

Address: St. Anthony Messenger Press, 1615 Republic St. Cincinnati, OH 45210. 

Our thanks to these fine folks for allowing us to review this recording.      


     A St. Valentine's Day History Lesson  

Valentine's Day was a Christian replacement for the old Roman celebration of Lupercalia, a festival that honored Juno Februata, the goddess of (febris) love.  Reportedly, this was the day when the birds would choose mates.  The Roman calendar placed February a little later in the year than ours.

As an extension of this natural occurrence, the Romans would also choose mates for the coming year on this date.  Annually, on the ides of February, love notes or "billets" would be drawn to partner men and women for feasting and romantic game playing.

The early Christian church felt that such a celebration was promoting the wrong actions and thoughts and that relationships should be based on a true loving desire to live and share with each other.  Therefore they decided to replace the celebration of Lupercalia by honoring St. Valentinus who had been previously executed on Feb. 14th. 

    St. Valentine   

The only difficulty with this choice of saints was the life style assumed by Valentinus.  He reportedly was a chaste man, and lacked experience with the art of love that he was chosen to represent. 

In order to make him a little more appealing, the church probably enhanced the story associated with the celebration of his day.  Regardless of its validity, the story has survived and Valentinus' saint's day has become a tradition that has evolved and been celebrated for many centuries.  

   The Legend   

During the days of the late Roman empire, young Roman males lacked a desire to participate in the Roman army.  Emperor Claudius II thought he could solve this problem by preventing ties to the local Roman community.  He therefore outlawed all marriages with the hope that his soldiers would be more willing to leave home to fight if they didn't have formal relationships with members of the opposite sex.

Valentinus reportedly ignored Claudius' decree and secretly conducted several wedding ceremonies.  Caught in the act of assisting and facilitating these loving relationships, he was arrested and imprisoned.   

His jailer's daughter was blind, and according to legend, Valentinus cured her blindness.  The young girl fell deeply in love with Valentinus but was unable to save him, and he was beheaded on February 14th.  

However, before his execution, Valentinus managed to slip a parting note to the girl.  The message, of course, was signed, "From your Valentine".  

    Your Celebration   

We trust your celebration of this day will end on a more positive note.  Find some ways to make this day extra special.  Be sure to express your love and enjoy sharing with your loved one(s) in a warm and caring way.                                                 

 

 

This photo is a little outdated.  It has been sitting on my desk awaiting an opportunity to share it with you.  While gas prices are bouncing around at their lowest levels in two years, I felt that this creativity for dealing with our high gas prices last summer deserved to be shared.  

 


 

Several years ago, friends asked Anne and me to journey with them to the New River in West Virginia.  This water course is known for its exceptional white water rapids, and our friends were suggesting we explore it with them via a rubber raft.  

Age not being a problem at that time (mid forties), we jumped at the opportunity and made the trip by van doing an overnight along the way with sleeping bag and tent.

Who's in charge here?

When we arrived at the departure point, we were assigned our guide.  I was immediately turned off and a little disrespectful of his "know it all" instructions.  After all, I was trained in instructing others in survival techniques, and this "kid", probably a freshman in college, was telling me what to do with a very "know it all" manner.  

Making me even more distrustful was his appearance.  His oiled tan was topped with a mop of bleached blond hair, and he was clothed in a minimal tank suit with a large air of bravado set off by a 10" survival knife strapped to his upper arm.  I can still picture this cocky authority standing there, arms crossed, lecturing us on our conduct. 

Even through my clouded judgment, I still allowed myself to hear that we were to remain in the raft at all times.  However, I was not willing to believe or accept the premise of his next statement. 

If we fell out of the raft, we were not to attempt to swim.  

I don't know how you feel, but those words went completely against my better instincts.  I knew I would do everything under my power to determine my future against that forceful current.  Maybe I was not the expert I thought I was.  Perhaps I had better consider listening with a little more attention?  

Advice About Life

He pointed to a large rock about the size of a pickup truck standing on its end in the rapids in front of us.  He told us to note that the white water was going to both sides of the rock.  However, we were unable to see that some of the water was hitting the front of the rock and going down underneath washing out a small hole in the gravel below.  He said this was called a "shoot".  

If we were to fall out of the raft in front of the rock and begin swimming, we might break the natural flow of the water to the outside of the rock and instead be hauled down and permanently wedged into the "shoot" by the tremendous force of the water.  If we were lucky, they might find one of our tennis shoes the following spring.  That sounded like an awful "nearing death" experience.

He then held up one of the heavy duty life jackets we would be wearing and pointed to the 4' foam collar and the 4" chest area of the jacket.  

He said this life-saving device would float us untouched like a cork through the rapids . . . if we didn't swim.  All we needed to do was allow our feet to come up in front of us and lay calmly on our backs.  He concluded that we might enjoy the experience so much that we would want to do it again, but that wasn't allowed.  

We made it through this wonderful experience without falling into the water (However, the cocky guide did when he tried to "show off".  Catching a rock with the back of the raft where he was sitting, he was thrown into the turbulence).

Age Grows Wisdom 

Each day, as I grow a little older and a little wiser, this metaphor for life makes a little more sense.  I still choose to swim up river from time to time, but I have also learned to recognize when it is better to calmly lay back, let my feet float to the surface and trust Mother Nature's flow to carry me safely home, enjoying the "spirit" of the trip.  


 

 Suggested Reading  
  here at www.caregivercompanion.com    

If this is your first time visiting The Caregiver Companion web site, please take time to look around.  There is much more here at www.caregivercompanion.com than this magazine.  Visit our NAVIGATION page to learn how our site is laid out.

Looking for something EASY and special to fix for dinner?  Try this  chicken casserole.  For Anne's simple (I can even follow them) directions, Click here.

Did you enjoy our "Caregiver Mentor" piece on St. Valentine?  Visit our biography and photos of Dr.  Albert Schweitzer.  Click here.

Would you like to read more from "Gary's Teacher Within"?  Here are some of the insights that I received from an Alzheimer's patient in the last stages of her illness (that was two years ago, and she is still alive and still teaching me").  Click here

 


 

 Our Gift to You for Your Support

Your continued purchase of Collecting Consort recordings will help finance The Caregiver Companion web site.  

If you have not experienced our recordings, they contain gentle selections described as "healing music for our difficult times".  They feature, Celtic harp, hammered dulcimer, pan flute, and Irish flutes and whistles.   

We guarantee your satisfaction with the purchase of any of our recordings.   They can be the perfect way to ease your loved one's anxieties and pain, and provide you with some peaceful respite.  

If you would like to learn more about Collecting Consort recordings, Click here

 

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