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The Caregiver
Companion
Magazine
#11 (2/14/02)
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Underwritten by
______
(Would you like to have your company, organization or your name
listed here?)
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February 14, 2002
Happy Valentine's Day
Table of Contents:
(Click on title below to go directly to
that article
or scroll below this Table of Contents to read all of this issue's articles)
A Few
Words from Gary
From
Another Perspective
A meaningful poem by the 13th century
mystic, Rumi.
Stirring
the Spirit Within
"The Sacred Art of Dying". Our review of this cassette
recording. It features an inspirational and informative speech given by
hospice chaplain, Richard Groves.
Caregiver
Mentors
Insightful and historical information about St. Valentine.
A Lighter
Aire
A humorous photo of gas prices.
Gary's Spirit Within
Life's message from the perspective of a rafting expedition
Suggested
Reading here at www.caregivercompanion.com
Dear Friends:
We continue to be amazed by
the wonderful quality of this winter. We have enough snow to quietly hide
the brown "leftovers" of last year, but I have only put on my boots
and started the old Ford 8N tractor twice to open our passageway in and out of
our homestead.
No ice storms and no below
zero temperatures to impede our process (so far). We know about the
predictions for "global warming", but from the perspective of this
winter, this unexpected warmth has been a wonderful gift.
Next month finds us traveling
(as the Collecting Consort) to Midland, MI for a three week "artist in
residence" program serving the Midland area schools. This is a
community that truly supports the arts. We consider this responsibility a
great honor and a wonderful opportunity as we will be working with over
9000 students, and 100 teachers in 30 schools. Our program is entitled
"Michigan's Heritage" and will feature music and stories from
Michigan's past and present years. We trust we will learn and receive as
much as we will give our students.
Due to this commitment, the
next issue of this magazine will be delayed. If you have contributions,
please email them to share@caregivercompanion.com
and we will explore putting them in the next issue.
May your blessings enlighten
your continued sharing with others,
Gary
Out beyond ideas of
wrong-doing and right-doing
There is a field
I'll meet you there......
You've heard it said there's a window that opens
from one mind to another.
But if there's no wall, there's no need
for fitting the window, or the latch.
Rumi,
13th Century Mystic
(For more Rumi poetry and
our biography of this mystic, click here)
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Nature's "opening" from our
Collecting Consort
Lake Superior tour last summer |
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The Sacred Art
of Dying
(Living with Hope)
By Richard Groves
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Changing
Perspectives
About Death |
I have listened to this
2 - cassette tape several times, and with each listening,
I "hear" a little more. I suspect Richard Groves
may be slowly chipping away at the ice coated denial that covers
my perspectives of death.
Richard is an experienced
hospice chaplain and founder of the Sacred Art of Living Center
in Bend, OR.
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In order to unravel the mysteries
associated with dying, he went to the Abbey of Cluny in France where monks
assisted the dying, one thousand years ago. He examined their records and
found considerable enlightenment.
The hospice at the Abbey of Cluny was a
place of life. The patients were in the process of dying, but daily life
was going on around them. Families were meeting, sharing and eating their
meals within the hospice, and the children were playing games, singing and
dancing. The dying patients were a part of this everyday "life".
Spirituality was also a very major
component, and the monks were skilled at providing physical and emotional
comfort. Today, in contrast, we focus on the medical care of the dying,
and leave the spiritual and emotional pieces by the side.
Richard Groves feels this lack of spiritual
and emotional care is a rather recent trend in our country. A century ago,
85% of our population died within our homes They were surrounded by family
focused on a comfortable end of life transition. By the 1960's, the
figures were reversed and 85% were dying in some sort of medical or care
facility where the emphasis was on a technical medical extension of life.
Richard feels this trend is once again
reversing, and we are again desiring a more complete "nearing death"
experience within our own homes. However, he feels even more can be done
to enhance the quality of this final journey for us and our loved one.
As a result of his work and his research,
Richard has concluded that the only way to die a "good" death is to
make sure that our emotional pieces have been completed. He often finds
that patients experience difficult physical pain or an inability to let go into
transition when they are blocking un-resolved emotional issues. The issue
might be an emotional distancing from a sibling or a child. Or it may
be failing to share some important words with a mate.
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Dormant now, these beautiful examples of new life will
soon be touching us as the warmth and length of our day increases. |
He recommends that we do whatever is
necessary as caregivers to remove blocks to a "good" death and to help
loved ones live each day as joyfully and peacefully as possible. He
encourages and facilitates our efforts by sighting several revealing and
wonderful stories about how he has assisted his patients.
Richard also suggests that we utilize rituals,
music and a support team as the Cluny monks did. These valuable resources
often moved the patients beyond their fears and discomforts.
He also sites scientific research on the
proven value of prayer. He highly advocates prayer as a method of
spiritual intervention, especially when the loved one is in a high state of
denial or a coma and we cannot assist them by interacting with them verbally.
Richard tells us that, "Life and death
are a sacred art taught best by the dying". They can teach us much
about life and living it. We must learn to live our loved one's death
experience, not deny it.
Whether you are a caregiver, a person in the
process of dying, or a professional assisting others with the nearing death
experience, I highly recommend listening to this recording more than once.
I was amazed by how much I moved with interest toward my own future death.
I wonder what the dying will teach me next?
Published by St. Anthony Messenger Press www.AmericanCatholic.org.
Check out their catalog, and you will find all sorts of other books and
recordings of interest to us caregivers.
2 cassettes ( 51 min each): $16.95
Order this tape on line at: www.AmericanCatholic.org
Phone: 800-488-0488
Address: St. Anthony Messenger Press, 1615
Republic St. Cincinnati, OH 45210.
Our thanks to these fine folks for allowing us
to review this recording.
A St. Valentine's Day History Lesson
Valentine's Day was a Christian
replacement for the old Roman
celebration of Lupercalia, a festival that honored Juno Februata, the goddess of
(febris) love. Reportedly, this was the day when the birds would choose
mates. The Roman calendar placed February a little later in the year
than ours.
As an extension of
this natural occurrence, the Romans would also choose mates for the coming year
on this date. Annually, on the ides of February, love notes or
"billets" would be drawn to partner men and women for feasting and
romantic game playing.
The early Christian
church felt that such a celebration was promoting the wrong actions and thoughts
and that relationships should be based on a true loving desire to live and share
with each other. Therefore they decided to replace the celebration of
Lupercalia by honoring St. Valentinus who had been previously executed on Feb.
14th.
St. Valentine
The only difficulty
with this choice of saints was the life style assumed by Valentinus. He
reportedly was a chaste man, and lacked experience with the art of love that he
was chosen to represent.
In order to make him
a little more appealing, the church probably enhanced the story associated with
the celebration of his day. Regardless of its validity, the story has
survived and Valentinus' saint's day has become a tradition that has evolved and
been celebrated for many centuries.
The Legend
During the days of
the late Roman empire, young Roman males lacked a desire to participate in the
Roman army. Emperor Claudius II thought he could solve this problem by
preventing ties to the local Roman community. He therefore outlawed all
marriages with the hope that his soldiers would be more willing to leave home to
fight if they didn't have formal relationships with members of the opposite sex.
Valentinus
reportedly ignored Claudius' decree and secretly conducted several wedding
ceremonies. Caught in the act of assisting and facilitating these loving
relationships, he was arrested and imprisoned.
His jailer's
daughter was blind, and according to legend, Valentinus cured her blindness.
The young girl fell deeply in love with Valentinus but was unable to save him,
and he was beheaded on February 14th.
However, before his
execution, Valentinus managed to slip a parting note to the girl. The
message, of course, was signed, "From your Valentine".
Your Celebration
We trust your celebration of this day
will end on a more positive note. Find some ways to make this day extra
special. Be sure to express your love and enjoy sharing with your loved
one(s) in a warm and caring way.

This photo is a little outdated. It
has been sitting on my desk awaiting an opportunity to share it with you.
While gas prices are bouncing around at their lowest levels in two years, I felt
that this creativity for dealing with our high gas prices last summer deserved
to be shared.
Several years ago, friends asked Anne and
me to journey with them to the New River in West Virginia. This water
course is known for its exceptional white water rapids, and our friends were
suggesting we explore it with them via a rubber raft.
Age not being a problem at that time (mid
forties), we jumped at the opportunity and made the trip by van doing an
overnight along the way with sleeping bag and tent.
When we arrived at the departure point, we
were assigned our guide. I was immediately turned off and a little
disrespectful of his "know it all" instructions. After all, I
was trained in instructing others in survival techniques, and this
"kid", probably a freshman in college, was telling me what to do with
a very "know it all" manner.
Making me even more distrustful was his
appearance. His oiled tan was topped with a mop of bleached blond hair,
and he was clothed in a minimal tank suit with a large air of bravado set off by
a 10" survival knife strapped to his upper arm. I can still picture
this cocky authority standing there, arms crossed, lecturing us on our conduct.
Even through my clouded judgment, I still
allowed myself to hear that we were to remain in the raft at all times.
However, I was not willing to believe or accept the premise of his next
statement.
If we fell out of the
raft, we were not to attempt to swim.
I don't know how you feel, but those words
went completely against my better instincts. I knew I would do everything
under my power to determine my future against that forceful current. Maybe
I was not the expert I thought I was. Perhaps I had better consider
listening with a little more attention?
He pointed to a large rock about the size
of a pickup truck standing on its end in the rapids in front of us. He
told us to note that the white water was going to both sides of the rock.
However, we were unable to see that some of the water was hitting the front of
the rock and going down underneath washing out a small hole in the gravel below.
He said this was called a "shoot".
If we were to fall out of the raft in front
of the rock and begin swimming, we might break the natural flow of the water to
the outside of the rock and instead be hauled down and permanently wedged into
the "shoot" by the tremendous force of the water. If we were
lucky, they might find one of our tennis shoes the following spring. That
sounded like an awful "nearing death" experience.
He then held up one of the heavy duty life
jackets we would be wearing and pointed to the 4' foam collar and the 4"
chest area of the jacket.
He said this life-saving device would float
us untouched like a cork through the rapids . . . if we didn't swim.
All we needed to do was allow our feet to come up in front of us and lay calmly
on our backs. He concluded that we might enjoy the experience so much that
we would want to do it again, but that wasn't allowed.
We made it through this wonderful
experience without falling into the water (However,
the cocky guide did when he tried to "show off". Catching a rock
with the back of the raft where he was sitting, he was thrown into the
turbulence).
Each day, as I grow a little older and a
little wiser, this metaphor for life makes a little more sense. I still
choose to swim up river from time to time, but I have also learned to recognize
when it is better to calmly lay back, let my feet float to the surface and trust
Mother Nature's flow to carry me safely home, enjoying the "spirit" of
the trip.
If this is your first time
visiting The Caregiver Companion web site, please take time to look
around. There is much more here at www.caregivercompanion.com
than this magazine. Visit our NAVIGATION page
to learn how our site is laid out.
Looking for something EASY and special to
fix for dinner? Try this chicken casserole. For Anne's simple
(I can even follow them) directions, Click
here.
Did you enjoy our "Caregiver
Mentor" piece on St. Valentine? Visit our biography and photos of
Dr. Albert Schweitzer. Click here.
Would you like to read more from
"Gary's Teacher Within"? Here are some of the insights that I received
from an Alzheimer's patient in the last stages of her illness (that was two
years ago, and she is still alive and still teaching me"). Click
here
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Our
Gift to You for Your Support
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Your continued purchase of Collecting
Consort recordings will help finance The Caregiver Companion web site.
If you have not experienced our
recordings, they contain gentle selections described as "healing music for
our difficult times". They feature, Celtic harp, hammered dulcimer,
pan flute, and Irish flutes and whistles.
We guarantee your satisfaction with the
purchase of any of our recordings. They can be the perfect way to
ease your loved one's anxieties and pain, and provide you with some peaceful
respite.
If you would like to learn more about
Collecting Consort recordings, Click here
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