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The
Caregiver Companion
Email Newsletter
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Underwritten
by ______
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April 21, 2001
Dear Friends:
Welcome to The
Caregiver Companion newsletter, Vol. 1 #
Welcome to The
Caregiver Companion newsletter, Vol. 1 #6. In this issue, you
will find:
contemporary Guatemalan shaman, Martin Pechtel about how the adversities
within our life offer hope for the future.
From a Lighter Aire:
A couple of gentle pieces designed to
create a smile, and some questionable
Easter "left overs".
Stirring the Spirit
Within: Things going wrong for
you? Do you know what P.U.S.H. stands for? This simple
story explains the important meaning for this acronym.
Nature's Calendar: As
spring approaches, Anne's thoughts (and pen) recall her childhood
experiences of her "caregiver" Grandfather Stevenson,
planning and planting his garden.
Obtaining Respite: After
the conclusion of his five year stint as caregiver for his parents,
this Michigan resident and his wife developed a volunteer caregiver
relief program in their community. Could your community do the
same for you?
The Teacher Within: Gary
shares some of his awarenesses gained from studying the intuitive
nature of the white tailed deer.
Gathering
Caregiver Legislative Power: New
postings from www.caregiverscount.com
regarding pending federal legislation we, as caregivers, should
support.
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From
a Different Perspective
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.... the house that a person
sleeps in must be very beautiful and sturdy, but not so sturdy that it
won't fall apart after a while. If your house doesn't fall apart,
then there will be no reason to renew it. And it is this
renewability that makes something valuable.
From an interview between
contemporary Guatemalan shaman, Martin Pechtel and Derrick Jensen (published
in our favorite literary mag, The Sun, Issue 304, The Sun
Publishing Co, Inc. 107 N. Robertson St., Chapel Hill, NC 27516, (919)
942-5282.
Mr. Pechtel
is speaking
of the need for his tribe's homes to literally fall down. This
continually brought his people together again socially as they rebuilt
each others' homes. However, with the advent of modern building
supplies, the homes were not deteriorating, and his people were loosing
their social caring for each other.
I was struck as I
applied his awareness to our work as caregivers. The security of our
anticipated Ozzie and Harriet "home" falls down around us and
the responsibilities of caregiving move in. As a result, we are
forced into building even more meaningful and new "homes" in our
relationships with our loved one, and those who assist us with our
caregiving responsibilities.
While I find it easy to
suggest Mr. Pechtel's wisdom to others, I have difficulty living by it
myself. I am quick to paint and keep up the exterior of my dwelling
and not let others know of the deterioration occurring within its
walls.
Perhaps I am the
"victim" of our self-sufficient society, and I am avoiding the
opportunity for my house to fall down in front of others. I wonder
how much more it will take before I am really willing to open up and allow
others to administer to me. Maybe that's what The Caregiver
Companion is all about.
Lake Michigan's sand
sculpture from our recent silent retreat last week at Holland, MI.
A
visual expression of how nature is constantly in process . . . .
modifying its form . . . adapting to the surroundings.
A
life lesson for us all!
Over the great front
doors of an old church being restored was inscribed in stone: "This
is the Gate of Heaven". Just below it, someone had placed a
small cardboard sign which read "Use other entrance".
A member of his
congregation told Rev. Warren J. Keating, pastor of First Presbyterian
Church, Yuma, AZ, that this was the best prayer he ever heard:
"Dear God, please help me be the person my dog thinks I am".
These two pieces arrived
in a recent note from our friend, "care receiver" (stroke
patient), and writer, Dorothea Ellsworth. Her story of learning to
live with her handicap (plus some of her poetry and descriptions of her
books) can be found at our WHO ARE YOU? topic at Caregiver, Dorothea Ellsworth
What do you do with all
those left over Easter eggs with their cracked shells, and dyed
interiors?
In a similar manner,
these post Easter epithets arrived by my E-mail, and I didn't know what to
do with them. I was afraid this drivel would clog up my hard drive garbage
disposal in my Recycle Bin if I deleted them. So here they
are.
Just to let you know that everyone is
entitled to a bad hare day, and . . .
let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits,
and . . .
that some body parts should be
floppy,
and . . .
there is no such thing as too much candy,
and . . .
don't put all of
your eggs in one basket,
and . . .
walk softly and carry a big carrot,
and . . .
everyone needs
a friend who is all ears.
The contributing friend
(perhaps I should refer to her association more loosely) refused to
allow me to give her credit for submitting them. She signed off with
the following message.
Don't blame these on
me. One of my silly
funny bunny friends sent them to me. There was no way I was going to show my
true
colors and come out of my shell and send them to anyone but you!
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Stirring
the Spirit Within
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Do you know what
P.U.S.H stands for? This is the second time in
recent weeks I have received
this directive, and I think I am beginning to get the message. In
case you have not received these instructions, I have included them as food for
your thoughts.
(Author unknown)
A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled
with light, and the Lord appeared. The Lord told the man he had work
for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin.
The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all
his might.
This the man did,
day after day. For many years he toiled from sunup to sundown, his shoulders
set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock,
pushing with all his might.
Each night the man
returned to his cabin sore, and worn out, feeling that his whole day
had been spent in vain.
Since the man was
showing signs of discouragement, the Devil decided he might be gaining a
convert, and he entered the picture by placing his thoughts into the man's
weary mind:
You have been
pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged. Why kill
yourself over this? You are never going to move it. (Thus,
giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that
he was a failure.)
These thoughts
discouraged and disheartened the man.
Why kill myself
over this? I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum
effort; and that will be good enough.
However, before
proceeding with this decision, he decided to make it a matter of
prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.
Lord, I have
labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to
do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I
have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong?
Why am I failing?
The Lord responded
compassionately,
"My friend, when
I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task
was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have
done.
Never once did I
mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to
push. And now you come to me with your strength spent, thinking that
you have failed. But is that really so?
Look at yourself.
Your arms are strong and muscled, your back is sinewy and brown, your
hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become
massive and hard.
Through opposition
you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you
used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock.
But your calling was
to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My
wisdom. This you have done. I, my friend, will now move
the rock."
At times, when we hear a
word from the Lord, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what
He wants, when actually what the Lord wants is just simple obedience
and faith in Him.... By all means, exercise the faith that
moves mountains, but know that it is still the Lord who moves the
mountains.
Now, your instructions
from the Lord:
When everything
seems to go wrong ... just P.U.S.H.!
When the job gets you down ... just P.U.S.H.!
When people don't react the way you think they should ... just
P.U.S.H.!
When your money looks "gone" and the bills are due ...
just P.U.S.H.!
When people just don't understand you ... just P.U.S.H.!
P.U.S.H. - Pray Until Something Happens! ! ! ! !
Dear Friends:
Images of my childhood
experiences with my grandfather in his garden still dominate my thoughts
associated with spring. I wrote this piece to share my memories of
my Grandfather Stevenson with my own grandchildren.
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Grandfather
Stevenson & his Garden
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My grandfather was the
oldest of seven children born to parents who emigrated from Scotland.
A small man with big plans, he was bright, creative and hard working.
By profession, a self-taught chemist for DIAL Products, he spent his days
in tiny windowless labs. Arriving home, he immediately removed his
formal suit, tie and starched white shirt and donned his shabby gardening
clothes. His garden was his most favorite hobby.
Even during the short
days of January, when the heavy snow covered the fertile ground, he
perused the colorful seed catalogues that were delivered daily by the
shivering postman.
He approached his garden
as systematically as he did his chemical experiments, combining old
knowledge with new possibilities. He first ordered seeds for the
reliable plants . . . peas, beans, carrots, and corn. But each year,
he experimented with something new, something foreign, because he thrived
on exploring the "new territory", just as his parents had. knotted
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Anne
"assisting" her grandfather in his garden |
My grandfather's life
philosophy was deeply rooted in potential. To him, a dark seed
hidden in the heart of a sweet red apple was an orchard invisible.
He was greatly excited by the mystery of the knarred Jerusalem Artichoke
although he remained secure with the predictable pungent onion sets and
the reliable bush beans.
As days lengthened and
snows melted, seed packets arrived, and he tucked them carefully into his
worn wooden garden box. He began to image himself hoeing the rich
dirt, his rumpled old hat shielding his eyes from the bright sunshine.
He longed for spring, to smell the fresh dirt, to hear birds, to feel the
moist breezes, to taste the fresh peas from his garden.
All winter, he waited to
escape into spring to plant his garden.
Carter Ryan committed
his father, in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's disease, to a nursing
home and moved home to care for his homebound mother and her broken hip.
He was prepared to move his consulting business from St. Louis to Detroit,
but ill-prepared for the "unrelieved intensity" of a five-year
caregiving commitment.
I was putting in 18
and 19 hours a day caring for the needs of my mother. I was simply
overwhelmed.
I sent a request to
the men's group at the church I was attending asking for someone to
watch my mother for a few hours while I took a break. Out of all
the men in that group, only one volunteered.
I used the four
hour break to buy flowers. When I returned home, my mother, who
had been unable to speak for several days, asked me if I had the flowers
planted yet.
It was then that I
realized how important having a break from caregiving really was.
Following the death of
his mother, Carter and his wife, Cynthia formed Christian Caregiver
Relief, a non-profit charity for matching needy caregivers with specially
trained volunteers.
Our sole mission is
to provide help to the often overlooked caregiver through the charitable
Christian act of giving breaks to those persons caring for terminally
ill family members.
Our trained
volunteer relievers always go out in teams of two and are committed to
providing between two and four hour relief sessions twice each month.
Are you in a similar
caregiving situation with your loved one? Follow Carter's example
and make some phone calls to see if there is trained relief for you.
Contact a local minister
(even if you are not a member of his/her church), area ministerial
association, council on aging, Social Services agency, hospice
organization (even though your loved one does not qualify for hospice,
they will know what is available). You will find numbers in the phone
book. Let your fingers do the walking and discover what is available
within your community.
If you find nothing,
encourage those you contact to realize the need for this service and ask
them to help develop a group of trained volunteers for you and your fellow
caregivers within your community.
You can learn more about
Carter and Cyndi's program and how they have set it up, training of
volunteers, etc. by visiting their web site at: www.christiancaregiversrelief.com
Email to: canneryanop@yahoo.com
Call or write them
at:
Carter & Cindi
Ryan
3232 N. Silver Ridge
Mears, MI 49436
(231) 873-2077
I have always looked to the land and
its inhabitants (not necessarily humans) as my teachers. Coming from
my human intellectual approach to life, I have long been jealous of the
intuitive nature of wild animals. In my attempts to become more
intuitive and less intellectual, especially as a caregiver, I have spent a
great deal of time studying these animals and their approaches to life.
Being frequent guests to our
sanctuary, the white tailed deer have become some of my most important
mentors.
I hope the
following piece will help you appreciate their "intuitive"
nature and encourage you to trust your own "intuition" in your
role as a caregiver.
In need of a
little visual refreshment, I walk to the east window of my office.
Looking down the hill, across the stream and through the swamp to the
clearing on the other side (more than a football field distance away), I
discover a small herd of deer gently grazing in the fading afternoon sun.
I am not the only one aware.
Within a few seconds, their
I
am not the only one aware. Within a few seconds, their watchful
eyes turn in my direction, and with flagging tails, they chase each other
from my perception, into the safety
of the swamp.
How can they be aware of my presence
within the confines my home, window shut, almost 200 yards away?
Obviously, they are not perceiving me with their five senses. Is
there something else working here? Some sort of intuitive sense?
Might I also have these same acute
awareness capacities? How might I let go of the many preoccupations
of my mind to allow these more sensitive awarenesses to occur for me?
Walking
one of our mowed paths to get the mail, I again become aware of the
apparent intuitive nature of my four footed teachers.
I have always seen our land as
running north to south, probably because we enter on the north
I
have always seen our land as running north to south, probably because we
enter on the north,
and our home is at the southern extreme. The animals seem to see it
differently. They traverse back and forth from east to west, as they
transition between the swamp on the east side to the woods and lake on the
west.
This means our paths must cross as the
deer and I come and go. I know my paths well from 30 years of
travel. For the most part, I have made my passages straight (easier
to establish a longer glide with my cross country skis through the winter
snow) and maintained their existence with a machine, to keep nature from
completely inhibiting my process.
However, the animals use a different
(perhaps more intuitive) approach to enable their
However,
the animals use a different (perhaps more intuitive) approach to enable
their travel.
I am extremely aware of their method, especially at this time of the year.
Their transgression cannot be hidden. With the snow cover erased and
the frost gone, their every track is in evidence. Each step moves
aside the dry grass and kicks up the wet decaying matter from below,
leaving the darker residual from their passage.
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My grandson,
Jessup, exploring the message of a deer trail though the swamp
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Thus, a visual trench, no more than 8
inches in width, marks their movement. As I walk to the north to get
my mail, their east-west paths, (more than 30 of them) cross my trail.
Their orientation is never as straight
as mine, as the least little sapling will cause their deviation to the
left or right for a short period. Then back into the same general
direction only to move off again on an angle as if for no reason (at least
as far as I can see). Frequently, these trails will join together
and even cross each other.
How do these animals decide
(with their limited intellectual capacity) which of these many trails they
will walk today? It is definitely not decided by my logically human
choice of the shortest distance between two points.
There is something very important
happening here.
There is
something very important happening here.
Why do they have so many trails leading in the same direction?
I think know the reason.
Never once have I seen one of their passageways so well used that the
protective cover is broken, allowing
for erosion to take place.
However, my "intellectually"
designed driveway requires continual grading and additional gravel to fill
in the deeper ruts, pot holes, and chatter bumps that c
onstantly
appear within its eroded bed.
These animals are somehow more
aware
than I. They experience their environment existing not just for
their convenience but instead they instinctively know that it requires
maintenance and protection.
But how do they sense which of these 30+
paths is appropriate for them to travel on today? Why don't
they follow my intellectual example and continually choose the shortest
and most convenient of their trails?
With my new awarenesses, I suspect I
will rely a little more on these "instructions" from my mentors.
I will look to my intuitive nature for seeking a variety of paths as I
approach my caregiving roles within my family, my hospice patients, and my
relationships with my professional colleagues.
Perhaps I will even bypass the straight,
convenient and most obvious routes for those with more deviation and
value. Maybe I will change my course while in progress as my
intuitive senses speak to me.
There is much for me to learn about
using my "sense"itivity, and as my friends, the white tailed
deer are teaching me, I can do much more than see, hear, and feel. I
can find and explore that intuitive sense that apparently lies deep within
me that I might define (for lack of better words) as my Spiritual Being.
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Gathering
Caregiver Legislative Power |
We and our fellow
caregivers have shown amazing growth in our numbers during the past few
years (1/4th of the U.S. population served as a caregiver at least once
during 2000). If we all work together, we can advance the caregiving
cause with our legislators and receive more assistance.
The Caregivers Count web site, http://www.caregiverscount.com/,
has been formed to help us work together.
They post pending federal legislation and legislators we can contact to
support the caregiving cause.
Please visit their site and sign up for
their email newsletter to keep you up to date on legislation affecting
caregivers. They also have listings of emails, etc. for
congress
members
you can contact to express your perspectives.
PLEASE work with your fellow caregivers
and take the time to contact them with your stand on the legislation
described below.
These are the latest
postings on pending federal legislation from
www.caregiverscount.com
Update on Long
Term Care and Retirement Security Act (S 627/H.R. 831)
4/18/01
Efforts at the national and grass roots
levels are to get more co-sponsors onto these bills. The list of
co-sponsors as of April 17 is as follows: Reps. Charles Bass, Dave Camp,
Joseph Crowley, Mark Foley, Steve LaTourette, Jim McCrery, Michael
McNulty, Ron Paul, Earl Pomeroy, Jim Saxton, Rob Simmons, and Karen
Thurman in the House as well as Senators Max Baucus, John Breaux, and Bob
Graham in the Senate.
We again urge you to contact your House
Member or Senators to urge they
become co-sponsors. One easy way to do this is to log onto the website of
Americans for Long-Term Care Security and specifically the Contact Your
Legislator section. This bill provides for:
A phased in, 100 percent above-the-line tax deduction for qualified long
term care insurance premiums;
A $3000 tax credit for people with long term care needs or their
family caregiver; and
Inclusion of long term care coverage in employer cafeteria plans and
FSA’s.
The importance of getting a strong number of co-sponsors on these bills
cannot be emphasized enough. If there is a strong and bi-partisan
indication of support that will provide an opportunity for this bill to be
included in one of the tax packages which will be considered by Congress
this year.
Please advise us of contacts you make
and the response you receive.
BUSH BUDGET CALLS
FOR INCREASE IN NATIONAL FAMILY CAREGIVER PROGRAM
4/18/01
President Bush's more detailed budget
released last week does call for a $2 million increase for the National
Family Caregiver Support Program under the Older Americans Act. This
landmark program adopted last year as an amendment to the Older Americans
Act Amendments of 2000 is just now being implemented at the state and
local level. It received its full funding of $125 million for FY 2001 and
President Bush has recommended it receive $127 million for FY 2002.
The weeks and months ahead will be very
important for this program as Congress moves ahead on first its Budget
Resolution and then appropriations bills for individual programs such as
the Older Americans Act.
The following House and Senate Members
are especially important to the future of the National Family Caregiver
Support Program: Members of the House
Appropriations Committee Subcommittee on Labor/HHS and Members of the Senate
Appropriations Committee Subcommittee on Labor/HHS.
CaregiversCount readers should visit the links to the committees and
determine if you are represented by any of these individuals. If so please
contact us so we can work on a direct advocacy strategy.
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Suggested
Reading
here
at www.caregivercompanion.com
|
The
Cab Ride
This piece has become the
"most visited" article at www.caregivercompanion.com.
This deeply touching
essay contains
the reflections of a cabbie called upon to take an older woman without a
family, on her "last" ride to the hospice facility.
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send them to:
The Caregiver Companion
Box 272
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