Suggested Reading at www.caregivercompanion.com:  The Cab Ride (published in our favorite literary mag, The Sun, Issue 304, The Sun Publishing Co, Inc. 107 N. Robertson St., Chapel Hill, NC 27516, (919) 942-5282.

Mr. Pechtel was speaking of the need for his tribe's homes to literally fall down.  This continually brought his people together again socially as they rebuilt each others' homes.  However, with the advent of modern building supplies, the homes were not deteriorating and his people were loosing their social caring for each other.  

I was struck as I applied his awareness to our work as caregivers.  The security of our anticipated Ozzie and Harriet "home" falls down around us and the responsibilities of caregiving move in.  As a result, we are forced into building even more meaningful and new "homes" in our relationships with our loved one, and those who find their way into sharing their assistance with us.  

These broader "real" perceptions of life are often difficult for me to accept.  I have this strong tendency to dominate my thoughts with what I think "should be" (which never occurs),  rather than accept the truth, beauty and potential for recognizing the reality.    

Lake Michigan's sand sculpture from our recent silent retreat at Holland, MI

Over the great front doors of an old church being restored was inscribed in stone: "This is the Gate of Heaven".  Just below it, someone had placed a small cardboard sign which read "Use other entrance".

A member of his congregation told Rev. Warren J. Keating, pastor of First Presbyterian Church, Yuma, AZ, that this was the best prayer he ever heard:  "Dear God, please help me be the person my dog thinks I am".

These two pieces arrived in a recent note from our friend, "care receiver" (stroke patient), and writer, Dorothea Ellsworth.  Her story of learning to live with her handicap (plus some of her poetry and descriptions of her books) can be found at our WHO ARE YOU? topic at Caregiver, Dorothea Ellsworth

What do you do with all those left over Easter eggs with their cracked shells, and dyed interiors?  

In a similar manner, these post Easter epithets arrived by my E-mail, and I didn't know what to do with them.  I was afraid this drivel would clog up my hard drive garbage disposal in my Recycle Bin if I deleted them.  So here they are.  

Just to let you know that everyone is entitled to a bad hare day, and . . .

let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits,
and . . . 

that some body parts should be floppy, 
and . . . 

there is no such thing as too much candy, 
and . . .

don't put all of your eggs in one basket, 
and . . .

walk softly and carry a big carrot, 
and . . .

everyone needs a friend who is all ears.  

The contributing friend (perhaps I should refer to her association more loosely) refused to allow me to give her credit for submitting them.  She signed off with the following message.

Don't blame these on me.  One of my silly funny bunny friends sent them to me.  There was no way I was going to show my true
colors and come out of my shell and send them to anyone but you!

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Stirring the Spirit Within

 

Do you know what P.U.S.H stands for?  This is the second time in recent weeks I have received this directive, and I think I am beginning to get the message.  In case you have not received these instructions, I have included them as food for your thoughts.  

(Author unknown) 

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled
with light, and the Lord appeared.  The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin.  The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. 

This the man did, day after day.  For many years he toiled from sunup to sundown, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might.  

Each night the man returned to his cabin sore, and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

Since the man was showing signs of discouragement, the Devil decided he might be gaining a convert, and he entered the picture by placing his thoughts into the man's weary mind: 

You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged.  Why kill yourself over this?  You are never going to move it.  (Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.)

These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. 

Why kill myself over this? I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough.

However, before proceeding with this decision, he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord. 

Lord, I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked.  Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?

The Lord responded compassionately, 

"My friend, when I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done.

Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it.  Your task was to push.  And now you come to me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed.  But is that really so?  

Look at yourself.  Your arms are strong and muscled, your back is sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard.

Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have.  Yet you haven't moved the rock.  

But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom.  This you have done.  I, my friend, will now move the rock."

At times, when we hear a word from the Lord, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what the Lord wants is just simple obedience and faith in Him....  By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still the Lord who moves the mountains.

Now, your instructions from the Lord:

 When everything seems to go wrong ... just P.U.S.H.!

 When the job gets you down ... just P.U.S.H.!

 When people don't react the way you think they should ... just P.U.S.H.!

 When your money looks "gone" and the bills are due ... just P.U.S.H.!

 When people just don't understand you ... just P.U.S.H.!

 P.U.S.H. - Pray Until Something Happens! ! ! ! !

Dear Friends:  

Images of my childhood experiences with my grandfather in his garden still dominate my thoughts associated with spring.  I wrote this piece to share my memories of my Grandfather Stevenson with my own grandchildren

My grandfather was the oldest of seven children born to parents who emigrated from Scotland.  A small man with big plans, he was bright, creative and hard working.  By profession, a self-taught chemist for DIAL Products, he spent his days in tiny windowless labs.  Arriving home, he immediately removed his formal suit, tie and starched white shirt and donned his comfortable gardening clothes.  His garden was his most favorite hobby.  

Even during the short days of January, when the heavy snow covered the fertile ground, he perused the colorful seed catalogues that were delivered daily by the shivering postman.  

He approached his garden as systematically as he did his chemical experiments, combining old knowledge with new possibilities.  He first ordered seeds for the reliable plants . . . peas, beans, carrots, and corn.  But each year, he experimented with something new, something foreign, because he thrived on exploring the "new territory", just as his parents had. 

Anne "assisting" her grandfather in his garden

My grandfather's life philosophy was deeply rooted in potential.  To him, a dark seed hidden in the heart of a sweet red apple was an orchard invisible.  He was greatly excited by the mystery of the knar led Jerusalem Artichoke although he remained secure with the predictable pungent onion sets and the reliable bush beans.  

As days lengthened and snows melted, seed packets arrived, and he tucked them carefully into his worn wooden garden box.  He began to image himself hoeing the rich dirt, his rumpled old hat shielding his eyes from the bright sunshine.  He longed for spring, to smell the fresh dirt, to hear birds, to feel the moist breezes, to taste the fresh peas from his garden.  

WHAT TO DO IF YOU LOSE YOUR PURSE OR WALLET:
> >
> > We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's
> > committed using your name, address, SSN#, credit,
> > etc. Unfortunately I (author of this piece) have
> > firsthand knowledge, because my wallet was stolen last
> > month and within a week the thieve(s) ordered an
> > expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a
> > VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a
> > Gateway computer, received a PIN number
> > from DMV to change my driving record information
> > online, and more.
> >
> > But here's some critical information to limit the
> > damage in case this happens to you or someone you
> > know. As everyone always advises, cancel your credit
> > cards immediately, but the key is having the toll
> > free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know
> > who to call. Keep those where you can find
> > them easily (having to hunt for them is additional
> > stress you WON'T need at that point!). On a personal
> > note, I remember loosing a MC and until I got the toll
> > free number from information, etc. I was a
> > wreck.
> >
> > File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction
> > where it was stolen, this proves to credit providers
> > you were diligent, and is a first step toward an
> > investigation (if there ever is one).
> >
> > But here's what is perhaps most important: I never
> > ever thought to do this. Call the three national
> > credit
> > reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud
> > alert on your name and SSN#. I had never heard
> > of doing that until advised by a bank that called to
> > tell me an application for credit was made over the
> > Internet in my name. The alert means any company that
> > checks your credit knows your information was
> > stolen and they have to contact you by phone to
> > authorize new credit.
> >
> > By the time I was advised to do this - almost 2 weeks
> > after the theft all the damage had been done
> > (there are records of all the credit checks initiated
> > by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew
> > about before placing the alert). Since then, no
> > additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw
> > my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It
> > seems to have stopped them in their tracks.
> >
> > The numbers are:
> > Equifax 1-800 525-6285
> > Experian (formerly TRW) 1-800-301-7195
> > Trans Union 1-800-680-7289
> > Social Security Administration also has a fraud line
> > at 1-800-269-0271
> >
> > We pass along jokes, we pass along just about
> > everything... do think about passing this information
> > along... it could help someone else.
> >
> >
> >
>
>

Carter Ryan committed his father, in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's disease, to a nursing home and moved home to care for his homebound mother and her broken hip.  He was prepared to move his consulting business from St. Louis to Detroit, but ill-prepared for the "unrelieved intensity" of a five-year caregiving commitment.

I was putting in 18 and 19 hours a day caring for the needs of my mother.  I was simply overwhelmed.  

I sent a request to the men's group at the church I was attending asking for someone to watch my mother for a few hours while I took a break.  Out of all the men in that group, only one volunteered.

I used the four hour break to buy flowers.  When I returned home, my mother, who had been unable to speak for several days, asked me if I had the flowers planted yet.    

It was then that I realized how important having a break from caregiving really was.   

Following the death of his mother, Carter and his wife, Cynthia formed Christian Caregiver Relief, a non-profit charity for matching needy caregivers with specially trained volunteers.  

Our sole mission is to provide help to the often overlooked caregiver through the charitable Christian act of giving breaks to those persons caring for terminally ill family members.

Our trained volunteer relievers always go out in teams of two and are committed to providing between two and four hour relief sessions twice each month.      

---

Are you in a similar caregiving situation with your loved one?  Follow Carter's example and make some phone calls to see if there is trained relief for you.  

Contact a local minister (even if you are not a member of his/her church), area ministerial association, council on aging, Social Services agency, hospice organization (even though your loved one does not qualify for hospice, they will know what is available). You will find numbers in the phone book. Let your fingers do the walking and discover what is available within your community.  

If you find nothing, encourage those you contact to realize the need for this service and ask them to help develop a program of trained volunteers for you and your fellow caregivers within your community.  

You can learn more about Carter and Cyndi's program and how they have set it up, training of volunteers, etc. by visiting their web site at: www.christiancaregiversrelief.com 

Email to:  canneryanop@yahoo.com  

Call or write them at:

Carter & Cindi Ryan
3232 N. Silver Ridge
Mears, MI 49436
(231) 873-2077

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I have always looked to the land and its inhabitants (not necessarily humans) as my teachers.  Coming from my human intellectual approach to life, I have long been jealous of the intuitive nature of wild animals.  In my attempts to become more intuitive and less intellectual, especially as a caregiver, I have spent a great deal of time studying these animals and their approaches to life.  

Being frequent guests to our sanctuary, the white tailed deer have become some of my most important mentors.  I share here, some of my awarenesses of these animals.  Perhaps my observations and conclusions will help to introduce deeper means and methods for us to perceive and approach our caregiving relationships.  

I walk to the east window of my office for a little visual refreshment.   Looking down the hill, across the stream and through the swamp to the clearing on the other side (more than a football field of distance away), I discover a small herd of deer gently grazing in the late afternoon sun.  

But I am not the only one aware.  Within a few seconds, their heads turn in my direction, and with flagging tails, they chase each other from my perceptions and into the safety of the swamp.  

How can they be aware of my presence within the confines my home, window shut, almost 200 yards away?  Might I also have these same acute awareness capacities?  How might I let go of the many preoccupations of my mind to allow these more sensitive awarenesses to occur for me? 

 I again become aware of their apparent intuitive nature as I walk one of our mowed paths to get the mail.  

I have always seen our land as running north to south, probably because we enter on the north and our home is at the southern extreme.  The animals seem to see it differently.  They traverse back and forth from east to west as they transition between the swamp on the east side to the woods and lake on the west. 

This means our paths must cross as the deer and I come and go.  I know my paths well from 30 years of travel.  For the most part, I have made my passages straight (easier to establish a longer glide with my cross country skis through the winter snow) and maintained their existence with a machine, to keep nature from completely inhibiting my process. 

However, the animals use a different (perhaps more intuitive) approach to enable their movement.  I am extremely aware of their method, especially at this time of the year.  Their transgression cannot be hidden.  With the snow cover erased and the frost gone, their every track is in evidence.  Each step moves aside the dry grass and kicks up the wet decaying matter from below, leaving the darker residual from their passage.

My grandson, Jessup, exploring the message of a deer trail though the swamp

Thus, a visual trench, no more than 8 inches in width, marks their movement.  As I walk to the north to get my mail, their east-west paths, (more than 30 of them) cross my trail.  

Their orientation is never as straight as mine, as the least little sapling will cause their deviation to the left or right for a short period.  Then back into the same general direction only to move off again on an angle as if for no reason (at least as far as I can see).  Frequently, these trails will join together and even cross each other.   

 How do these animals decide (with their limited intellectual capacity) which of these many trails they will walk today?  It is definitely not decided by my logically human choice of the shortest distance between two points.  

There is something else happening here, and apparently very important.  I think I know the reason so many trails are required to serve such a small herd of deer.  Never once have I seen one of their passageways so well used that the protective cover is broken allowing for erosion to take place.  

However, my "intellectually" designed driveway requires continual grading and additional gravel to fill in the deeper ruts, pot holes, and chatter bumps that continually appear within its eroded bed.   

These animals are somehow more alert and more aware than I.  Their environment is not for their convenience but instead for their maintenance and protection.

But how do they sense which of these 30+ paths is appropriate for them to  travel on today?  Why don't they follow my intellectual example and continually choose the shortest and most convenient of their trails?  

I suspect that today, I will rely a little more on these "instructions" from my mentors.  I will look to my intuitive nature for seeking a variety of paths as I approach my caregiving roles within my family, my hospice patients, and my relationships with my professional colleagues.  

Perhaps I will even bypass the straight, convenient and most obvious routes for those with more deviation and value.   Maybe I will even continually change my course while in progress as my intuitive senses speak to me.   

There is much for me to learn about using my "sense"itivity, and as my friends, the white tailed deer are teaching me, I can do much more than see, hear, and feel.  I can find and explore that deeper intuitive sense that apparently lies deep within me that I might define (for lack of better words) as my Spiritual Being.    

Because there are so many of you caregivers, you have a very strong voice with your legislators.  PLEASE exercise that voice and take the time to contact them with your stand on the legislation described below.  

These are the latest postings on pending federal legislation  I copied from the Caregivers Count web site.  http://www.caregiverscount.com/.  Please visit their site and sign up for their email newsletter to keep you up to date on legislation affecting caregivers.  

They also have listings of emails, etc. of congress people you can contact to express your perspectives.  

Update on Long Term Care and Retirement Security Act (S 627/H.R. 831)
4/18/01

We again urge you to contact your House Member or Senators to urge they
become co-sponsors. One easy way to do this is to log onto the website of
Americans for Long-Term Care Security and specifically the Contact Your
Legislator section. This bill provides for:
A phased in, 100 percent above-the-line tax deduction for qualified long term care insurance premiums;
A $3000 tax credit for people with long term care needs or their
family caregiver; and
Inclusion of long term care coverage in employer cafeteria plans and FSA’s.
The importance of getting a strong number of co-sponsors on these bills cannot be emphasized enough. If there is a strong and bi-partisan indication of support that will provide an opportunity for this bill to be included in one of the tax packages which will be considered by Congress this year.

Please advise us of contacts you make and the response you receive.

BUSH BUDGET CALLS FOR INCREASE IN NATIONAL FAMILY CAREGIVER PROGRAM
4/18/01

President Bush's more detailed budget released last week does call for a $2 million increase for the National Family Caregiver Support Program under the Older Americans Act. This landmark program adopted last year as an amendment to the Older Americans Act Amendments of 2000 is just now being implemented at the state and local level. It received its full funding of $125 million for FY 2001 and President Bush has recommended it receive $127 million for FY 2002.

The weeks and months ahead will be very important for this program as Congress moves ahead on first its Budget Resolution and then appropriations bills for individual programs such as the Older Americans Act.

The following House and Senate Members are especially important to the future of the National Family Caregiver Support Program: Members of the House Appropriations Committee Subcommittee on Labor/HHS and Members of the Senate Appropriations Committee Subcommittee on Labor/HHS.

CaregiversCount readers should visit the links to the committees and determine if you are represented by any of these individuals. If so please contact us so we can work on a direct advocacy strategy.

Our underwriters need to hear about the value of The Caregiver Companion to you.  

Take a few moments right now to send us an email with your comments indicating your support for The Caregiver Companion.  Send them to:  share@caregivercompanion.com 

If you are a professional, a letter on your letterhead will give us more credibility.  Handwritten letters from both professional and family caregivers will also impress our underwriters.  

Send them to:

The Caregiver Companion
Box 272 
Lakeview, MI 48850  

 

Please be specific with  your comments

Include such things as:

• The ease with which newcomers to the web can navigate the site.

• The value of the information presented.

• The personal and friendly approach. 

• The refreshing creativity.

• The pleasing and restful experience at The Caregiver Companion.

• The nurturing qualities.