Feb 14, 2001

Dear Friends:

Welcome to The Caregiver Companion newsletter, Vol. 1 #3.  In this issue, you will find:

• From Another Perspective:  Comments from philosopher, Kathleen Dean Moore.
  

• A plea for letters of reference for prospective underwriters.
  

• New Articles at www.caregivercompanion.com.
  

• Caregiving and its costs for our relatives.
  

• More words about Beth McLeod's book Caregiving.
  

• Awarenesses for the Past Present and Future.

• Through Me (A simple prayer).

Do you have friends and associates who would find The Caregiver Companion of value?   

Please forward this newsletter and introduce them to the quality information and nurturing opportunities available at:  www.caregivercompanion.com.  

 

A few comments from Philosopher, Kathleen Dean Moore

Ms Moore is Professor of Philosophy at Oregon State University.  We excerpted the following comments by her from an interview conducted by Derrick Jensen.  The entire interview is included in the March 2001 issue of "The Sun" (our favorite literary mag), 107 N. Roberson St. Chapel Hill, NC 27516, (919) 942-5282.

If there is eternal life, it isn't found in the length of one's life, but in its depth.

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I recommend a way of life that is rich with noticing, caring, remembering, embracing and rejoicing.

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I think one of the greatest human capacities is the ability to forgive -- not to forget, but to renounce resentment and begin the process of healing.

"Come on, Grandpa" More photos by Char Follis at http://www.caregivercompanion.com /15charfollis.htm

 

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 I think one of the most romantic and loving things you can say to another person is "Look".  There is a kind of love in which two people look at each other, but I don't think it's as interesting as the love between two people standing side by side and looking at something else that moves them both.  

 (This print is big and bold for a reason!)

Caregiver!

We need your help!  

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to impress our underwriters! 

 
Please read the following to understand how 

The Caregiver Companion 

is funded!

In case you are new to Internet surfing, banner ads can be found at the top of almost every site.  By "renting" this space to an advertiser, a web site can receive important revenue.  

Simply stated:  We don't feel banner ads are conducive to the "feel" we want  to share in The Caregiver Companion.  

With flashing colors, shapes and offers of "A Bahamas vacation at no cost" or "Unbelievable opportunity to make a million bucks" they have limited value for most people visiting the site.  If you are like us, we resent the clutter and hype these ads create, and we quickly scroll below.

Therefore, you will not find banner ads at The Caregiver Companion.  Instead, you have the opportunity to experience the restful, pleasing and uncluttered layout we have created for your viewing.  

We seek underwriters in a manner similar to public radio and TV stations.  In return for the underwriter's financial support of The Caregiver Companion, they receive underwriting credits at the top of our articles (in plain type with no flashing colors).  In addition, we include a link to their site and a one-line description of their service and/or product.   

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Take a few moments right now to send us an email with your comments indicating your support for The Caregiver Companion.  Send them to:  share@caregivercompanion.com 

If you are a professional, a letter on your letterhead will give us more credibility.  Handwritten letters from both professional and family caregivers will also impress our underwriters.  

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The Caregiver Companion
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Include such things as:

• The ease with which newcomers to the web can navigate the site.

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Your letters of reference assure that The Caregiver Companion will continue to grow and provide a meaningful service to you, 

caregivers of loved ones.  

Anne and I searched through thirty years of scrapbooks to find pictures to document the growth of our personal sanctuary,  Erholensland (Land of Recreation).  We have added a running commentary to guide you through the years.  

A Visit to Our Homestead, Early Years (2 min.) 3/5/01
http://www.caregivercompanion.com/13homestead1.htm
 A Visit to Our Homestead, Recent Years (2 min.) 3/5/01
http://www.caregivercompanion.com/13homestead2.htm

A Message Just for You  (2 min.) 3/5/01
http://www.caregivercompanion.com/13jessup.htm
 

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Caregiving and its Results

During the past 6 months, we have been watching some distant family members with their initiation to caregiving and receiving.  This older couple have a very rich history of effective and independent living between them.  Therefore, their inability to "work the system" has really documented to us, some of the frustrations facing caregivers.  

Extreme discomfort has plagued the wife for several months.  In their efforts to rectify the cause, they became the victims of the medical system as they were passed from one specialist to another.  Finally, after many distant trips, a scary diagnosis was given adding to the already great fears of this couple.  

Several more months passed as they were shuttled from doctor to doctor before finding one that was willing take on the required surgery.  Many trips to a far away clinic were made before the surgery was even scheduled.  

Recently, the surgery was finally completed, requiring that she and her husband remain in the community of the distant clinic for two more weeks.

Returning home, she developed complications and additional pain from the procedure.  Medication was prescribed resulting in side effects.  As she attempted to get off the medication, there were additional side effects in the form of physical shaking and severe anxiety. 

This couple, unable to get any resolution, ended up frequenting the emergency room for shots that put her to sleep and provided a respite from her pain.

The family physician, not knowing what else to do, finally made what was an apparently inappropriate referral to the mental health center.  Making matters even worse, he apparently was unable to (or failed to) properly prepare this couple for the referral.  In her extreme anxiety, and with an outdated concept of psychiatric assistance, she assumed that he was saying that she was crazy and would therefore be locked up for the rest of her life.  

She also remarked about how ineffective and upset her husband felt as a result of this referral.  He apparently felt that he should be able to help her move beyond these problems to her old self.  His frustration only further served to feed her anxious feelings. 

It was quite evident that this couple had been taken well beyond their limits in order to cope with the stresses placed on them by their age, her medical condition, and the lack of a good continuity of medical care.   

Interestingly, the psychiatric referral resulted in still another medical referral, but this time, the consulting physician diagnosed the complication and provided medication to correct the difficulty.  

I know there will be some very important resolution for them in the near future.  This couple has many years of caring for each other, and they have already survived some tragic losses.  All this cost and investment will eventually reap its rewards.  However, what a tragedy that these important years of their life have been so consumed by attempting to facilitate our medical system.  

If nothing else, watching them has been an important lesson for me in accepting and making the best of those things we cannot change.  I trust I will walk as quietly and effectively as they when I find myself putting on their shoes. 

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A Valuable Book to Assist Caregivers

The above story of our distant relatives further documents the un-requested path that Beth McLeod describes in her book, Caregiving, The Spiritual Journey of Love, Loss, and Renewal.  My additional time with this book in recent days, further impresses me with its ability to guide and advise those of us undertaking the "caregiving journey"

 

Accepting that we, the caregivers will be the ones to change

Much of the second half of her book is devoted to helping us realize that it will not be the patient who adapts and changes.  Instead, we, as caregivers, will come to realize this important shift in our orientation.  

Beth shares the story of a dedicated woman who recognized that her parents needed assistance with their living.  She left her home in a distant city and moved in with her parents planning to reform their deviant and unhealthy life style.  Cleaning up her parents' act immediately resulted in conflict, especially when she expected her father to give up his nightly bowl of ice cream.  

It didn't take long for the daughter to realize that her plan to "save" her parents was not working.  She ended up hiring a professional caregiver to provide care for her parents and found herself an apartment a few miles away.  This way, she could continue to emotionally support and be a part of her parents' lives but still allow their unique (and not so healthy) existence.  

Meeting the needs of the loved one rather than our own

Author & caregiver to her own parents, Beth Witrogen McLeod

It is this caregiving process of letting go of our own needs and finally giving in to the needs of our loved one that Beth describes as leading to and providing the ultimate reward available from caregiving, acceptance of life.

Some of us have a lot of trouble accepting this premise, and Beth can help with her convincing argument (and step-by-step instructions for this journey).   I highly recommend Caregiving, The Spiritual Journey of Love, Loss, and Renewal. You can order it from the secured site of our friends at their family owned bookstore, www.horizonbooks.com 

Permission to review this book comes from Beth's publisher, John Wiley & Sons, Inc. 605 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10158 6252

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